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Discussion/Meta 6x14 rewrite

Discussion in '6x14: Twice as Far' started by richonneromance, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. richonneromance

    richonneromance Caressing Eugene's Mullet

    Feb 29, 2016
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    I and a lot of people felt this episode was abysmally written so I decided to rewrite it, to show how it could've been improved upon.

    - Open with Carol outside smoking, she shares a sweet good morning kiss with Tobin. He says "You know, just once I'd like to wake up next to you...". She doesn't answer and he says "Whenever you're ready..." and starts to head off. He mentions Daryl's working on that damn bike again as he leaves, and Carol looks confused. She puts out her cigarette and we see the ashtray is full. She heads over to Daryl's, passing Morgan practicing along the way, and we lead into the "Didn't realise you had your bike back" scene. Daryl asks her why she said she wasn't OK back after the Saviors, and Carol tells him about her kill count being at 20. She explains what happened with Denise and the Wolf in 609 (I realised in rewriting this, that this 609 moment is the exact reason Denise had to die). She asks about Dwight and assumes she's overstepped when Daryl is silent. But Daryl says he should've killed them and that Carol was right to kill the Wolf considering how he got to ASZ in the first place. He reassures her she IS okay but says she can choose not to believe him. He asks why she isn't discussing her kill count concerns with Tobin and she says she absolutely couldn't. Daryl asks if that's what being together is and Carol agrees it's not. He says "That...this whole hiding in plain sight thing...that's what's eating you up...." and walks away.

    [This establishes Daryl actively trying to reassure Carol but being honest with her, and shows the emotional relationship she has with Daryl is deeper than with Tobin, meaning she can be herself around Daryl. Daryl isn't comfortable with feelings at the best of times, and was never comfortable with her Suzie Homemaker image, so he expresses that he doesn't like her coming to him while continually lying/pretending with Tobin, and thinks her trying to balance who she really is with a dishonest image is why she's so conflicted, rather than the killings getting the better of her. Only she can really know it IS also the killing too, which will come back at the end once Denise dies, who is the person Carol saved by killing the Wolf, so the Wolf is now a needless death in hindsight perhaps. As an aside, Tobin's comment about waking up next to her would be contrasted in next week's ep, where Richonne do wake up next to each other, to compare a false relationship with a real one lol]

    - Rick and Morgan's cell scene plays out as normal, except Rick asks what Morgan thinks about giving a prisoner food, water and supplies they're in such short supply of anyway, and what if that eats into things Judith or Carl need. Can Morgan justify that? Morgan tries to "We'll see when the time comes" handwave, but Rick insists on an answer. Morgan tells him Eastman died rehabilitating him so Rick argues that Morgan was never a murderer in the first place, whereas some people they've met have absolutely been. Rick asks Morgan to fight alongside him in whatever their next big battle is, on the frontline, so Morgan can see and decide for himself whether he can still justify not killing and, if so, then he's welcome to take a prisoner and use the cell.

    [Aside from the fact that I hate minimal Rick in any episode and just want to give him more screen time, this fleshes out the conflict between Rick and Morgan more and we get some reasoning/personalisation from Morgan as to why he desperately needs to do what Eastman did for him. These two are good friends so they would not dissolve into an argument, so instead they come to an agreement based on whatever they will experience alongside each other next]

    - During the "typical day montage" instead of a bunch of meaningless scenes, one scene is Rosita crying or obviously emotional, telling Eugene about her break up.

    [This helps inform Eugene's frostiness towards Abe on their run, and his eagerness to move away from living in Abe's shadow. It would also add tension to the end montage when Eugene is replaced on the watch by Rosita, making Sasha uncomfortable.]

    - Rosita wakes up with Spencer (more "wake up next to you" paralleling) and he tries discussing what's for dinner. She cringes at the coupley stuff, and Spencer says how long they've been together (so WE know), and then he asks if Abe is still a problem. Rosita wonders for a minute what her problem is (characters contemplating their issues!) and she says it's the first time she's been alone and she's not good at it, but he's not a rebound either. Spencer relates, says he became orphaned very quickly and is also essentially alone for the first time. Scene ends nicely instead of childish bickering.

    - Denise approaches Daryl and Rosita as usual but instead of just leaving straight away, they give her a few "How to hold a knife/gun properly" tips. Since Rosita has been seen running training classes before, why not revisit this?

    - The Abraham and Eugene scene plays out as usual but instead of Eugene being a total dick to Abe after being saved, they're simply interrupted mid sentence by Dwight's team ambushing them, having tracked them from Alexandria and hearing the noise from the walker struggle. Much more logical than Eugene wandering off on his own, just happening to get kidnapped, and Abraham just happening to keep up with him from a distance without somehow being spotted by Dwight.

    - Daryl knows how to drive stick, he was just doing it to annoy the girls.

    - At the store, two things could happen. Either Denise finds both a Dennis and a Tara nametag or she finds the soda pop drink next to the hidden walker. Saves the whole illogical cooler deal from happening. She could even get her walker kill in if the hidden one lunges at her suddenly. Rosita and Daryl are pissed off at her for risking it, but Rosita does stop to ask Denise about some pills, so her purpose being there in the first place is fulfilled.

    - Instead of walking along the tracks, they're in the car and Daryl is still pissed off, so this is when Denise begins her big speech instead. Daryl sees Dwight and the Saviors standing in the middle of the road, Dwight with crossbow raised. This would be more consistent with how the Saviors in 6x08/6x09 stopped them, giving them a routine, instead of the Saviors seemingly just doing whatever the heck. Daryl says "Nope" and straight up drives right through one of the Saviors but sees Eugene and Abe are hostages so he stops the car. They all get out and Dwight gives his "Take us to ASZ" speech while Denise is trying to sneak and grab the gun dropped by the guy Daryl hit. Eugene notices and starts trying to distract by blaming Abraham for everything. Denise gets the gun and shoots a random Savior right in the head while Eugene bites Dwight. As Dwight struggles, he accidentally fires the crossbow, which kills Denise.

    - When the Saviors run for it, Daryl kills at least one more (it bugs me how Rosita yelled "Daryl stop" and he didn't even try to hit one of them!)

    - Eugene is in the infirmary asking that Denise's bravery be noted along with his own. Spencer comes in to see if Rosita is okay and Abe is initially a bit put off but then realises himself, and this is a more logical lead in to his finally getting with Sasha. And she says something far more subtle and romantic than "come inside" ffs...

    - At a later point, Daryl is bringing back Denise's body and Carol is visibly distraught. Daryl explains what happened, that Denise didn't want to be afraid anymore, and Carol says she's so tired of this, as ASZ people wheel the gun bins past them. Daryl says something like "That's life now" and Carol says she can't keep killing to protect people, Daryl says he'll do it for her (throwing back to Consumed) and she says "No that's not...that's not a solution!" and walks away. Morgan is watching in the distance.

    - Next morning, he does his practice then notices her empty seat. Tobin finds the letter...and it turns out Daryl has a letter left for him too. In a later episode, we find out she wrote something more for him (again bringing the Tobin/Daryl comparison back and how she can open up more to Daryl). Daryl speeds out of ASZ while Tobin goes to get Rick.

    What do you think? I'm actually a writer so any tips or constructive criticisms are welcome!
    PB Protein Bar likes this.